Mr. Fuzzy Shorts - with a side of creepy pinocchio.
At the ripe old age of 10 (for real this time not just an 11 year old saying she's 10) my family and my best friend's family took a vacation to Disneyland. It was a Christmas/Graduation combo present for our families since our oldest brothers would be graduating from highshcool that year and it seemed the last opportunity to take such a big trip as a family. Seriuosly, Disneyland is for 10 year olds though, right?
So anyway.....the hotel we were staying at in Anaheim was directly across the street from Disneyland. It had a pool and hot tub situated outside with a fence all around (I guess to keep 'outsiders' from coming in and using the facility?). My friend 'Georgela' and I were very much enjoying the pool with our brothers and dad's but after a while they were tired of swimming and so (and don't ask me why) they left us - alone- outside- across the street from Disneyland- at the ripe old ages of 10 and 11.
~In their defense, they were and are farmers from small town Saskabush in the late 80's. So it really doesn't surprise me that they would think nothing of leaving us alone to our own devices. I mean they left us alone to fend for ourselves back home all the time, why would it be different there?~
But I digress....
It's dark, we have moved into the hot tub because we are cold and we are not thinking about the fact that we are alone, outside in the big city at all. We are simply chattering on and on the way we always did and enjoying every moment of our Californian vacation together. While we were sitting in there an older man - whom I can only assume is an accomplice of Mr. Fuzzy Shorts in retrospect - comes by and asks us how we're doing and if everything is okay and how is the temperature 'blah,blah, blah'....then he went over to some dial on the wall near our changeroom/sauna and fiddled with it and left.
A few more minutes pass and a second man comes along wearing a towel, a T-shirt, a beard and glasses. At the tme I would have guessed him around 30. Georgela says to him as he passes by our hot tub 'Hey Dude!' he replies 'Hey' back and continues into the changeroom/ sauna where our clothes and towels are. Not realizing there was both a men's and a ladies changeroom we thought nothing of him going into our changeroom. Not sure why but we didn't.
A few minutes passed and we had all but forgotten about the guy when he made a reappearance just outside the changeroom. Georgela was facing me and didn't notice him come out and I wouldn't have paid him much attention either except there was something peculiar about his swimming trunks.......he was backed by a light and his shorts looked rather, um, fuzzy..... wait a minute! Those are not shorts at all! In fact there ARE no trunks ON this man! This all occurs to me in about a millisecond of gauking. So without moving my mouth at all I say between clenched teeth to Georgela in the style of Cameron Fry from Ferris Buellers Day Off (a favorite of ours at the time) "look over there!" She looks, I look, he is looking at us..... posing rather and, if I might add, looking 'quite excited' and 'happy' in the unshorted area. After a beat he goes back to this 'dial' on the wall and does some 'dialing' and then retreats back into the changeroom.
Well Georgela and I were out of that hot tub and up the stairs before you could say 'Mr.Fuzzy Shorts' and we ran into our dad's coming to check on us on our way! By the time they got down to kick some butt he was already gone. Never to be seen again......
Creepy Pinocchio....
This story may or may not be related to Mr.Fuzzy Shorts and I am unsure of the timeline, if this happened before or after the pool incident. Georgela? Mayhaps you remember?
I liked to have my hair 'done up' when I was a child and my mom obliged and bought me all kinds of cute barretts and such to wear in my overly done, overly hairsprayed hair. Yes I was 10 and had REALLY high bangs.
One of the days we were spending at Disneyland I was of course sporting some very stiff bangs and a very tight ponytail and some neat ladybug barretts. Well Pinocchio took QUITE an interest in my do by stopping me, and fondling patting and fiddling with my hair for several minutes. Of course it made Georgela and I laugh hysterically we even caught the whole thing on tape! But now....looking back.... is it possilbe that Mr. Fuzzy Shorts was donning a Pinocchio suit during the day?????? HMMMMM?????!!!!!!
Creep.
Now you must vote for you next selection from the crypt of flibirdijibits past:
a) Flib flies at table mountain
b) Flib flies at Cousin Vinces
c) Twinkle Toes and her Kittens...(what's she doing with that gun?)
7 comments:
Hahahahahaha. That creepy story just never gets old. And I am pretty such "convicted pedophile" is a criteria when applying to put on a cartoon suit and hug children while their parents look on and take pictures. So I if Pinnochio wasn't actually Mr. Fuzzy Shorts I am pretty sure they were both trained by Big Bubba in prison.
My vote, my vote. Well I see that my initial picks of "Const.Leland Shoots Exclamation Perfume" or "Jimbo Drives Through the Cattle on the Road" are not there (why aren't you holdin' my coffee!)...so I'll go with C. Twinkle Toes and her Kittens, b/c quite frankly I want to hear a story that involves you and cats. And guns...
Kay, I do not remember Const.Leland shoots the Exclamation Perfume! It's very vague! Did he actually shoot my bottle of perfume? Also I was not present for the 'can't you see I'm trying to get to North Battleford' incident...Glo-Tox? Could you please compose and submit that story? These both need to be down in the history books for sure!
In your defense,
Over-sprayed hair was de--de-rigeur in the 80's, not?
and I vote for
posting the video of Pinocchio patting your hair!
Absence of that, I would really like to read about Table Mountain. Don't we all ~ raised in WC Saskatchewan ~ have tales of Table Mountain?
Let it fly!
also, on that picture there, those have to be girls legs don't they? No guy has legs like that!
I believe there are actually guys who do have those kinds of legs. And Big Bubba likes them all the more. Special training for them.
I do remember a story of The Constable shooting the perfume b/c he hated the smell of it and you wouldn't quit wearing it. And why shouldn't he? It stunk. Wonder if they still sell that crap??? Gotta check. And I am not surprised you don't remember. There is a whole trail of shooting stuff 'n junk that follows the historical path of Flib growing up with The Constable and The Monster (gotta come up with a nicer name for him...). Anywho, I am pretty sure it ended in him picking up the broken pieces with his glvoes and having them stink for weeks like Exclamation perfume.
Anyway, please Glo-Tox, write up the ditty of the cows. The world simply must read it.
So that's one for flib flies and one for twinkle toes.....need a tie breaker.
another thing about Pinnochio.... it's no big funny coincidence that they wrote in Pinnochio wearing ladies underpants in Shrek 2 is it now? It's just his creepy character. It just seems to 'fit'.
Seriously, I have two very clear memories of you as a child, J:
Your bangs
and
Your Exclamation perfume
You are, truly, a legend.
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