The Revealing

No, I won't be posting pictures of me without my 'garmentary' as mentioned in the comments of the previous post, but I now will reveal the source of my recent monetary disappointment. The monetary disappointment in the amount of $27.90.

This past fall I relinquished my former 'factory' clothing to a consignment store in Berrytropolis. In total I surmise that I spent in excess of $500 for these special garments that covered my, now retired, manufacturer of quality products like Sorbet and Nova.

This was a ginormous bag of goods, and all sold, boiled down to less than a spanky new pair of jeans for me. See, they were supposed to give back the unsold merchandise but when I was there they told me it had ALL sold and that was all that I got for it (40% cut). So I left the place of consignment, disillusioned and kinda mad. I had really hoped to get at least enough for some spanky new JEANS!!!

My day was cut short due to funding and I arrived home at a very reasonable hour, only to receive a call from the place - I have decided is my personal charity case for the year and will claim this incident on my taxes as such - saying 'oops! we found your bag of leftover clothes here' and 'can you just come in and pick those up before months end or we'll send them over to another charity case we know called Sally Ann?'

Right. I'll just boogie on in there to pick that up - stat.

Is This Thing On?

Last week Flebb (That’s my husband’s longtime nickname since school) and I had a little bonfire outside after we put the baby to bed and we always bring the baby monitor outside with us to hear every breath she makes, even though the window to her room is directly behind us when we are outside and we would most likely hear her without the monitor if she made any real noise. Doesn’t matter we still like to use the monitor.

The next day, I had put the baby down for a nap in her crib and then went downstairs to use the pooter and she had a great sleep. A rather long sleep I thought. Then I heard this faint yet urgent crying noise coming from upstairs! So I rushed upstairs to see what it was and it was nothing, she had just woken up, had her little happy awake time and transitioned into unhappy – I want outta this crib now – time. So I wondered why I hadn’t heard her wake up while I was downstairs working on the pooter. Usually I would hear every little noise she makes, especially something so ‘monumental’ as her having woken up from sleepy bye nigh-nigh time…. Then it occurred to me that the monitor must have been left outside during the night. Then shock and horror overtook me as I rushed outside to find it thinking all the while “Oh my gosh! The whole neighborhood could probably hear the goings on of our household all night and all morning” because we keep the volume turned up pretty loud especially when we head outside for the bonfire – again – there doesn’t seem to be any real point for us doing that but we do it anyway. Not that anything real exciting happens around our house throughout the night or during our morning rituals BUT it did have me running through conversations I had on the phone that morning and things I had said to my daughter or tones I might have taken with her etc,etc, yadda yadda yadda. The point is this:

Had I known the monitor was on and the whole neighborhood could hear my life, I might have paid more attention to what I was saying and doing and possibly taken more care.

When I got out there, I discovered that the monitor was in fact NOT out there but someone other than myself had indeed brought it in and just hadn’t plugged it in again inside. Well the feeling of relief I felt at not having to decide whether or not I had said or done anything inappropriate for the whole neighborhood to listen in on was remarkable!


Now here’s the ‘preachy’ part as I am SOOOO in the position to be preaching at all o’ you! I have resolved, since then, to (try) speaking and acting as though the monitor IS on. This resolution will come back to bite me in the ass I’m sure as there will be a certain amount of accountability at having shared it with you but that’s okay. It’s probably best for everyone that I just assume that ‘this thing IS on’ and mind my P & Q’s. I’ll admit I haven’t been doing that well when it comes to certain topics but I am going to try and do better. For instance: when I am getting ready to say something about someone who isn’t in my immediate presence I will stop and think “would I say this if the monitor was on and they were at the listening end?” or when I am busy doing something that frustrates me quite a bit, like ANYTHING in my kitchen and I feel like dropping a few choice yet unsavory words, I will (try) to stop and think “would I be saying this if the monitor was on and the whole neighborhood was listening in on my life?”

Of course I have to take into account the fact that I DO have privacy and the monitor isn’t really on especially at times when I need to vent a little, or someone needs to vent to me a little or when I want to do any number of the things I do everyday that are embarrassing yet necessary. I am sure I do not need to give examples of what these things might include. No, mostly I would just like to take more care in how I speak. Maybe give things a little more thought? Well, we’ll see how it goes. Lord knows I do NOT like the feeling I had when I thought the monitor was on without my knowing it. Remind me to write up the little story about the man who sang “ I Did It My Way”…..talk about putting your foot in your mouth! Well long story - short - I said some nasty things about him with his wife sitting in the same waiting room as me listening to everything I said right up until he came out and joined her and they left together! Yah, that’s about how it feels when you think the monitor has been on all day and all night without your knowing it. Just wanna avoid that.

Dead Beat Strikes Again!

So serioulsy, is there a notice out there somewhere sent to all the stores and businesses of our town about me and my 'dead beatedness' as it were? Really this is getting ridiculous. Today it was only funny because of what had happened last week and because Wilma was there to witness the whole thing and laugh with/at me. So this is what happened:

I went to register yesterday for 'something' that is happening in our town this weekend, there was a small fee to register and wouldn't ya know it, I couldn't pay it yesterday! I had no cheques with me and I couldn't pay with debit so I said I would come back. Well today while I was out running various and sundry errands....NOT AT THE GROCERY STORE EITHER.....I ran into Wilma, I hugged her as it seemed the appropriate thing to so as someone just had commented to her how she's being hugged and congratulated all the time now since she became Mrs. Puffy Unkle Kracker Daddy Jack Cap'n Kirk Man. Then both Wilma and I ran into a mutual aquaintance/friend and wouldn't ya know it she's in charge of collecting on my registration fee so there I am in the street this time being asked for my $x.xx again! It was TOO TOO funny I tell you!

Think I'll put up posters of myself around town warning all of my failure to pay and to not let me in unless I show my cash on hand first!

I tell ya with me being a Dead Beat and my husband having a whole phrase coined about his 'one sided' sharing tactics with certain beverages of the bubbly, bitter, "beerish" variety - we are really living up to our potential as citizens of our community and role models for our chillun!

DEAD BEAT MOM!!!

Well On Friday I went to the local Shop Easy to get a few various and sundry items with my two in tow.....and while I am perusing the aisles the Manager (not an original Townie) approaches me with a bill for some groceries I had charged a while ago (about 2 - 3 weeks) because I had forgotten my purse one day(thispoint does not add to my side of the case I know!) . I knew I had paid it when I saw the bill and the amount because I don't make a habit of charging my groceries and I remember having asked to pay my bill on a different day when I was in for groceries so that's what I told him, thinking he would believe me, say 'okay' and take the bill away. But not.....instead he explains that it doesn't show it's been paid and that he wiil get 'the girls' to check it out. Fine, that's fair. So feeling satisfied that they will discover the proof that I had indeed paid my bill I go about my perusal of cereal on display. Next thing I know this little 'Bull Dog' of a woman comes out of the office with my bill in hand and explains to me that it wasn't recorded that had I paid so I must not have paid it. I then try to explain to Bull Dog my case again: that I know I paid it and someone must have made a mistake and the Bull Dog disagrees and reiterated her point (as I am sure my $34.19 is a very close and personal problem for her) that I must not have paid it because the people that run the cash register do not have access to the book that she is holding in her hand. So I then stop arguing because I am already embarrassed at having my bill confronting me while I am trying to shop and being implied a liar and a dead - beat Mom who doesn't pay her bills and ask "So I should just pay it again then?". Not backing down she once again shows me her book and let's me know it hasn't been paid. So in an effort to stop the embarrassing confrontation and further hold up the days business I respond: 'Fine, I'll just pay it again, it's only $30, whatever."

Afterwards as my groceries that I had selected from the visit were passing through and tallying up I was starting to get really mad about the whole situation;

1) The being approached in front of other shoppers about my outstanding bill which I can't for the life of me understand why it wasn't just mailed to me. If you knw who I am you know how to mail it!
2)The not being believed when I say I already paid it and not given any oppurtunity to really prove that I had - which wouldn't matter any way because I have no proof to speak of other than my memory and my debit transaction from the bank the day I believe I paid it before which wasn't for the amount in question because I was paying for other food as well.
3) The 'big city' attitude towards a very 'small town' situation. I mean if their policy is to let cutomers charge their groceries which is SOOOO small town then in keeping with that policy are they not somehow responsible to trust and give their customers 'credit' in other matters such as this at least one time when I am so obviously adamant that I had already paid? I can see tracking me down and demanding payment on an overdue account if it is clear that I make a habit of not paying my bills.

Anyways, while these points were passing through my mind and my groceries were passing through the scanner I decided to not buy the $50 worth of groceries I had taken off the shelves and cancelled my order and asked, again, to pay the Stupid Bill, thinking 'I won't be shopping here anymore.'

Then I went to the Grands and told them what happened and Gramma was SO MAD! It was hilarious! She wanted to go down there right now and set them straight! 'They'll know who was right when I am done with them! Esmond! Take me down there right now!" It was so sweet to see her upset with them for me!

Anyway, I am not as mad about it now, in all likelyhood (and this is not in anyway an admission that they are right and I am wrong) I probably didn't ever pay the bill ,knowing myself, I just thought I did. I mean I am the girl who goes and buy's the groceries and just leaves them there at the store - because I am towing two and at the moment and especially lately feel quite proud that I get out to do the shopping at all - and I am the girl who goes to the store to buy groceries and forgets my wallet but I am NOT the girl who tries to get out of paying for something I owe! All I have is my memory and it just may not be correct. I am still mad about the way it was handled though. It embarrassed me and made me feel small and untrustworthy in MY town that I grew up in and they are only there because the last two fools that tried to take over the store got fired! So hopefully they do too! I won't be arguing the point about my $30 I think I have paid twice now and have no proof of but I will have to make mention of how poorly that situation was handled somehow me thinks. Sadly, I think I still have to use the store as it's the only one we've got! I need stuff and I can't just be running to the nearby town that's 48 km's away. Sadly, because it's our little small town it has to be set right, at least in my mind.

There! Are you happy Puffy Kracker Daddy Cap'n' Kirk Man? I posted sumpin'.

As a General Rule....

Recently my friend that I like to call 'whoa-oh Black Betty lam-di-lam' made a trek to the Big Apple to celebrate her birthday. While there, she managed to pick up this lovely 'Kate Spade -New York' hand bag for me. As a side note: I really love this new tradition of YOU buying ME the gifts to celebrate YOUR birthday.....we should have thought of this sooner! She also got herself and our friend 'Wilma' lovely 'Prada' bags.

Now, that being said I have a few easy questions that may help to get my point (and there is one) across.

Let's say you are meeting a woman for the first time and in your head, while assessing her appearance, you wonder " Hmmmm, I wonder if those are fake". Do you:
a) reach out and grab them, and ask.....'Are these real?'
b) politely keep your curiosity to yourself knowing that it may embarrass her to have such an interaction.

Also, let's just say a friend or acquaintance gets engaged and while she is flaunting her abnormally HUGE diamond around to everyone you think in your head 'Is that maybe a cubic zirconia or the other thing that's supposed to be like a diamond....ummm........moissanite!' Do you:
a) gawk at the ring mercilessly inspecting it for clarity, cut and inclusions then ask finally if it's a fake.
b) compliment her on her gorgeous new ring exclaiming how beautiful it is and how happy you are for her.

Generally I think most women would choose option b) in both scenarios, am I right? Which is good and right......

Why then, when you see myself, Betty or Wilma or any other member of the female gender out with our designer bags would you endeavor to ask the question 'Is that a knock-off or what?'. Some things are just better left under a veil of feminine mystique. Like whether we bleach/dye our hair or wear false eyelashes or attach raw chicken looking pieces of silicone to our bodies for the sake of beauty......

So here is a list of general rules I hope to follow in the future & invite you to as well:

1. If it looks blonde.....it's blonde
2. If it looks brunette, well, it must be brunette.
3. If it looks like a 36 DD, then that must be what it is.
4. If it sparkles and shines like a diamond or what have you for precious gems, then they must be.
5. If it says "Kate freakin' Spade - New freakin' York" on it then I can only assume it be that. Same goes for Prada, Gucci, Fendi and the like.
6. If you want me to assume they are not fake, except I must admit I will never buy into the hair piece thing, then ass-u-me I will. If you volunteer the falsey info on your own terms then I am glad to have gained such confidence.

Sheesh! I better get this kid out soon before I start ranting and raving myself into an oblivion! Who knew I was so opinionated?

There are two kinds of falseys, maybe three: The Good, The Bad and the OOgly.

The Good?

That includes those wonderful little silicone things that resemble uncooked chicken as an alternative to rather invasive and dangerous surgery, those who know what I am talking about you know who you are! It's also great what they can do with fake teeth now too.....porcelain veneers are good falseys. No one wants a real fire alarm so falsey's of those are okay too.

The Bad?

tattooed on eyebrows or eyeliner. Fake moles that are glued on or drawn on and of course counterfeit money. Also, I think it's safe to say that most false hair meant to disguise obvious balding could be classified as 'bad-falsey-ness.'

The Oogly?

That is hands down the 36 week pregnant body tricking you into thinking it's really 'that time' and you've already been to the city and back and have to make your husband drive you back into the city at 11 pm just to be told, finally around 3 am that you have just suffered an episode of false labour!

At least they didn't kick us out of the hospital, they did let us stay for about 4 hours to 'have a little rest' before driving all the way home again. I guess it's just good practice to have a 'dry run' to make sure we know what do before the actual not-so-falsey day. (I hope your catching my sarcasm 'cuz I am laying it on pretty thick.)

So there you have it.....old western movies will always be relevant to our everyday lives.