Twinkle Toes Attempts Murder …. (what’s she doin’ with that gun?)

Well here is my second attempt at this story and this time I have taken the advice from that Tamado across the street and am composing in Word. Now that I have already typed out this whole story in it’s entirety it seems silly to write it exactly as I did previously with the whole feigning ignorance about how to start the story and then typing words to mimick the thought process and then having a light bulb moment right here on my blog in front of all readers and THEN get into the story. Now….NOW I feel like just writing out the facts in point form in a lack luster fashion void of humour and intellect. But what then would be the point of this second attempt anyway? You’re right there would be no point……but now I think I’ve got the juices flowing again and I am ready to make nice with blogger and try, TRY again. Here goes:

The story begins once upon a horrible, awful, no good day in the life of 15 year old Flibirdijibit. Why was Flibirdijibit having such a horrible, awful, no good day? To put it plainly but not quite in point form as discussed earlier it was Flibirdijibit’s StupidBoyfriend of the time. This is really not the story - so not to put too much importance on it we’ll just say she was crabby because StupidBoyfriend treated her like poo on shoe and didn’t talk to or look at poor Flibirdijibit ALL day at school or phone her! Now for those of you who have been a 15 year old girl in the past or even just dabbled in it – this was a big deal and worth getting on a serious grump about for at least the span of 24-36 hours. Not as bad as realizing Christmas wasn’t as much fun anymore but enough to make a teen girl more emotional and easily shattered than usual. So the point is: Flibirdijibit was crabby!

Being 15, Flibirdijibit was also trying very hard to become a better driver so she could one day get her license and be all the nearer to freedom. This also would require a whole other post as most of you know – Flibirdijibit learning to drive was a very trying and stressful time for all in the Entirerooster family. She liked to practice though and decided that it was (for some reason) a good day to practice backing up. This also is not really the meat of the story so hopefully it will suffice to say that she did just a BANG UP job of ramming that little truck right into the corner of the garage! As you can imagine this did nothing to improve her already spiraling downwards, tears - welling - up mood so she decided to pull herself together and try an activity that always brought relaxation and joy every year and that was to let Twinkle Toes, her grey mangled footed kitty beast lead her to the new kittens. It was an annual event every year since she was 11- when Twinkle Toes started having kittens. The 3 years prior to that Flibirdijibit thought Twinkle Toes might prefer her own kind, but apparently she was just a late bloomer because once she got started there was no stopping her! For more info on this check out Wilma’s blog. I am sure she is pictured there with all the other pervs.

So normally the mutual agreement between cat and girl was that girl calls cat and asks cat where the kitties are and starts out towards the usual hiding spot of the fuzzy treasures. Cat obliges and leads on happily checking back every 10-15 feet that girl is still there.

NOT THIS DAY! On this day something was obviously off. Possibly a change in the understanding that could not have possibly been communicated by either party? Possibly Twinkle Toes had a sense of Flibirdijibit’s frazzled and unstable vibe? Either way, this day was different in that they started out on the path towards the kittens but about half way across the yard Twinkle Toes turned around, glared at Flibirdijibit then ran full throttle towards her leaping onto her body all the while thrashing, scratching and hissing in a matter that could only be interpreted as “Today you shall die by CAT!”. Quite startled, Flibirdijibit managed a weak shriek and frantic kick to rid herself of the nefarious (new word I picked up this week) feline and fled to the safety of her house where ~ dun dun DUN! ~ they kept the GUNS!!!!

Meanwhile, Flibirdijibit’s mother and brother were sipping coffee and enjoying the calm spring afternoon on the deck. Not phased in the least by her fit of despair running and screaming as they were quite accustomed to this behavior emitting from Flibirdijibit as she was 1. The baby in the family,2. female 3. a teen female and 4. dreadfully phobic of !BEES! Which has nothing to with Twinkle Toes BUT more often than not if Flibirdijibit was seen running and screaming to and fro it was because the threat and terror of the villainous !BEES! had thrown her into such a state. So they let her bee as it were and paid little to no attention to her episode of sheer discomposure.

However, as we established, it was not the wicked !BEES! that made Flibirdijibit flee it was the homicidal cat and sadly, on this day Flibirdijibit thought it a fair trade for Twinkle Toes to exchange her very life for the blatant attempt on ending her own, futile as it was. For it was not her legs and body being slightly injured that pushed her over the edge of reason but rather the utter devastation of her Fragile Pride by her once beloved pet which was only amplified by the aforemnetioned StupidBoyfriend that caused her to act and think so irrationally. So into the gun cabinet she went and out came the biggest shotgun she could find. Luckily for Twinkle Toes and also for Flibirdijibit's wellbeing she did not have the wherewithal to wield such a weapon without some assistance so her mother and brother then heard “get the hell in here and help me with this gun!” to which Flibirdijibit heard “what’s she doin’ with that gun?” and “what? She’s gonna shoot the bees?” followed by “GIMMEE that!” and a swift push of her body away from the firearm and the cabinet where it resided happily away from the unskilled hands of emotionally overwrought 15 year old girls with StupidBoyfriends. At this Flibirdijibit was finally released from all expectations of fortitude or the ill attempted forgery of it and was sent off to the sanctuary of her room where she indulged in a much needed blubber session for slightly longer than appropriate given the events of the day. Really, it’s what she SHOULD have done in the first place without hesitation after being delivered home from school.

The End.

Disclaimer: no animals or humans were mortally wounded or even really injured in the making of this story unless of course you count someones overly taxed feelings?