Is This Thing On?

Last week Flebb (That’s my husband’s longtime nickname since school) and I had a little bonfire outside after we put the baby to bed and we always bring the baby monitor outside with us to hear every breath she makes, even though the window to her room is directly behind us when we are outside and we would most likely hear her without the monitor if she made any real noise. Doesn’t matter we still like to use the monitor.

The next day, I had put the baby down for a nap in her crib and then went downstairs to use the pooter and she had a great sleep. A rather long sleep I thought. Then I heard this faint yet urgent crying noise coming from upstairs! So I rushed upstairs to see what it was and it was nothing, she had just woken up, had her little happy awake time and transitioned into unhappy – I want outta this crib now – time. So I wondered why I hadn’t heard her wake up while I was downstairs working on the pooter. Usually I would hear every little noise she makes, especially something so ‘monumental’ as her having woken up from sleepy bye nigh-nigh time…. Then it occurred to me that the monitor must have been left outside during the night. Then shock and horror overtook me as I rushed outside to find it thinking all the while “Oh my gosh! The whole neighborhood could probably hear the goings on of our household all night and all morning” because we keep the volume turned up pretty loud especially when we head outside for the bonfire – again – there doesn’t seem to be any real point for us doing that but we do it anyway. Not that anything real exciting happens around our house throughout the night or during our morning rituals BUT it did have me running through conversations I had on the phone that morning and things I had said to my daughter or tones I might have taken with her etc,etc, yadda yadda yadda. The point is this:

Had I known the monitor was on and the whole neighborhood could hear my life, I might have paid more attention to what I was saying and doing and possibly taken more care.

When I got out there, I discovered that the monitor was in fact NOT out there but someone other than myself had indeed brought it in and just hadn’t plugged it in again inside. Well the feeling of relief I felt at not having to decide whether or not I had said or done anything inappropriate for the whole neighborhood to listen in on was remarkable!


Now here’s the ‘preachy’ part as I am SOOOO in the position to be preaching at all o’ you! I have resolved, since then, to (try) speaking and acting as though the monitor IS on. This resolution will come back to bite me in the ass I’m sure as there will be a certain amount of accountability at having shared it with you but that’s okay. It’s probably best for everyone that I just assume that ‘this thing IS on’ and mind my P & Q’s. I’ll admit I haven’t been doing that well when it comes to certain topics but I am going to try and do better. For instance: when I am getting ready to say something about someone who isn’t in my immediate presence I will stop and think “would I say this if the monitor was on and they were at the listening end?” or when I am busy doing something that frustrates me quite a bit, like ANYTHING in my kitchen and I feel like dropping a few choice yet unsavory words, I will (try) to stop and think “would I be saying this if the monitor was on and the whole neighborhood was listening in on my life?”

Of course I have to take into account the fact that I DO have privacy and the monitor isn’t really on especially at times when I need to vent a little, or someone needs to vent to me a little or when I want to do any number of the things I do everyday that are embarrassing yet necessary. I am sure I do not need to give examples of what these things might include. No, mostly I would just like to take more care in how I speak. Maybe give things a little more thought? Well, we’ll see how it goes. Lord knows I do NOT like the feeling I had when I thought the monitor was on without my knowing it. Remind me to write up the little story about the man who sang “ I Did It My Way”…..talk about putting your foot in your mouth! Well long story - short - I said some nasty things about him with his wife sitting in the same waiting room as me listening to everything I said right up until he came out and joined her and they left together! Yah, that’s about how it feels when you think the monitor has been on all day and all night without your knowing it. Just wanna avoid that.

While enjoying Rockstar: Supernova (Suave Porn) I couldn't help but notice a startling resemblance between Mr .Gilbey Clark and our beloved, creepy Burger King. I couldn't find a suitable photo of Gilbey to back this theory up Bloggywise but I invite you to join with me watching the series to look, see and discover these matchers yourself.

As an aside, while trying to find a good picture of the Burger King I came across this article which I am not sure how to feel about yet....

Burger King The Movie

(Also here is Wilma's very specific blog about Rockstar: Supernova maybe she has or can get a good pic of Gilbey.... Suave Porn) Well...

what?

Oh!

You barely have to mention it and a picture from Wilma appears out of nowhere! Here he is in all his Burger Kingish Glory! Enjoy. Thanks Wilma!

Blabberdash

Last week in between goings on at the paddling pool and both cabins. A new term was introduced to us by Mr. G-Za:

"Titer Levels"

It was on a half ripped up brochure he was looking at and needless to say the term intrigued us and amused us greatly! We have had such great fun searching for the meaning of the term by casually throwing it into bits of conversation that I think we should all partake in a friendly game of Balderdash. So tell me, what does 'titer levels' mean to you? After all the fun and frivolity I will dutifully reveal the true meaning of the term! Or not. As I am sure it won't be nearly as fun.

Got Milk?

The other day G-Za and I were at our second home, the paddling pool, and I saw, greeted and chatted with a girl who graduated from the same school as me. She doesn’t live here in town anymore but every summer I see her around and she has an adorable little boy.

Nice huh?

So she asks which children are mine and how old they are and how long we’ve lived here and chit-chat-chitty-chat-chit!

Nice huh?

Then my 5 month old started fussing and it was time for a feeding and I did my (or what I thought was a) good mother thing and went over to feed my baby her bottle.

Nice huh?

Then she comes over and grabs a toy out of the box and nonchalantly says “Where’s the breast milk?”

Uh….NOT NICE!!!!!! No - rude! NO - bad!

There are a few things off the top of my head that are wrong with this comment actually there are about 1000 but here are my initial thoughts.

1) You just asked me, a person you had to ask the first name of, at the paddling pool a VERY personal question about secretions that come from a certain personal part of my body.
2) You have just criticized my parenting style and decisions while in the same breath assuming that what I have in the bottle is not the “precious liquid” being inquired on. And also how does she know my baby is not adopted or unable to nurse for some other sad medical reason?
3) You have just intimated to me that you would really just like to see me whip it out right then and there with a detailed anatomy lesson on where the breast milk really is! “Oh it’s right here! I’ll show you! Sure!”

People PEOPLE! There are rules of public conduct that must be followed in this world. I don’t ask for much but please PULLEASE do not:
- ask people where their breast milk is
- reach out and grab at pregnant bellies with out their clear permission and/or invitation also DO NOT ask when the baby is due unless you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a baby due. This hurts feelings for more reasons than I can count especially if there is no baby and for one reason or another it looks like there is. It's deserving of a whole other rant that is not blogger friendly, at least not my blog. Actually Tamado has a really good post about pregnant woman eitquettte - check it out!http://tamnado.blogspot.com/2006/07/belly-in-public-domain.html

Further More......
- Do not ask people for money they owe in the street or while they are shopping at your store. If you must ask them for the money please be discreet about it.
- And finally there’s this. And this is for all health care professionals out there. Let’s say, for instance, you had a rather large mole on your body and it wasn’t in a place that was really visible for everyone to see…..yah….and you go to the hospital to have it removed and you are in the waiting room with another girl whom you know from Smalltown and the nurse calls you BOTH to come at the same time and interviews you TOGETHER about your non-visible moles that will be removed that day. No. Don’t be that nurse.

That is all.

Twinkle Toes Attempts Murder …. (what’s she doin’ with that gun?)

Well here is my second attempt at this story and this time I have taken the advice from that Tamado across the street and am composing in Word. Now that I have already typed out this whole story in it’s entirety it seems silly to write it exactly as I did previously with the whole feigning ignorance about how to start the story and then typing words to mimick the thought process and then having a light bulb moment right here on my blog in front of all readers and THEN get into the story. Now….NOW I feel like just writing out the facts in point form in a lack luster fashion void of humour and intellect. But what then would be the point of this second attempt anyway? You’re right there would be no point……but now I think I’ve got the juices flowing again and I am ready to make nice with blogger and try, TRY again. Here goes:

The story begins once upon a horrible, awful, no good day in the life of 15 year old Flibirdijibit. Why was Flibirdijibit having such a horrible, awful, no good day? To put it plainly but not quite in point form as discussed earlier it was Flibirdijibit’s StupidBoyfriend of the time. This is really not the story - so not to put too much importance on it we’ll just say she was crabby because StupidBoyfriend treated her like poo on shoe and didn’t talk to or look at poor Flibirdijibit ALL day at school or phone her! Now for those of you who have been a 15 year old girl in the past or even just dabbled in it – this was a big deal and worth getting on a serious grump about for at least the span of 24-36 hours. Not as bad as realizing Christmas wasn’t as much fun anymore but enough to make a teen girl more emotional and easily shattered than usual. So the point is: Flibirdijibit was crabby!

Being 15, Flibirdijibit was also trying very hard to become a better driver so she could one day get her license and be all the nearer to freedom. This also would require a whole other post as most of you know – Flibirdijibit learning to drive was a very trying and stressful time for all in the Entirerooster family. She liked to practice though and decided that it was (for some reason) a good day to practice backing up. This also is not really the meat of the story so hopefully it will suffice to say that she did just a BANG UP job of ramming that little truck right into the corner of the garage! As you can imagine this did nothing to improve her already spiraling downwards, tears - welling - up mood so she decided to pull herself together and try an activity that always brought relaxation and joy every year and that was to let Twinkle Toes, her grey mangled footed kitty beast lead her to the new kittens. It was an annual event every year since she was 11- when Twinkle Toes started having kittens. The 3 years prior to that Flibirdijibit thought Twinkle Toes might prefer her own kind, but apparently she was just a late bloomer because once she got started there was no stopping her! For more info on this check out Wilma’s blog. I am sure she is pictured there with all the other pervs.

So normally the mutual agreement between cat and girl was that girl calls cat and asks cat where the kitties are and starts out towards the usual hiding spot of the fuzzy treasures. Cat obliges and leads on happily checking back every 10-15 feet that girl is still there.

NOT THIS DAY! On this day something was obviously off. Possibly a change in the understanding that could not have possibly been communicated by either party? Possibly Twinkle Toes had a sense of Flibirdijibit’s frazzled and unstable vibe? Either way, this day was different in that they started out on the path towards the kittens but about half way across the yard Twinkle Toes turned around, glared at Flibirdijibit then ran full throttle towards her leaping onto her body all the while thrashing, scratching and hissing in a matter that could only be interpreted as “Today you shall die by CAT!”. Quite startled, Flibirdijibit managed a weak shriek and frantic kick to rid herself of the nefarious (new word I picked up this week) feline and fled to the safety of her house where ~ dun dun DUN! ~ they kept the GUNS!!!!

Meanwhile, Flibirdijibit’s mother and brother were sipping coffee and enjoying the calm spring afternoon on the deck. Not phased in the least by her fit of despair running and screaming as they were quite accustomed to this behavior emitting from Flibirdijibit as she was 1. The baby in the family,2. female 3. a teen female and 4. dreadfully phobic of !BEES! Which has nothing to with Twinkle Toes BUT more often than not if Flibirdijibit was seen running and screaming to and fro it was because the threat and terror of the villainous !BEES! had thrown her into such a state. So they let her bee as it were and paid little to no attention to her episode of sheer discomposure.

However, as we established, it was not the wicked !BEES! that made Flibirdijibit flee it was the homicidal cat and sadly, on this day Flibirdijibit thought it a fair trade for Twinkle Toes to exchange her very life for the blatant attempt on ending her own, futile as it was. For it was not her legs and body being slightly injured that pushed her over the edge of reason but rather the utter devastation of her Fragile Pride by her once beloved pet which was only amplified by the aforemnetioned StupidBoyfriend that caused her to act and think so irrationally. So into the gun cabinet she went and out came the biggest shotgun she could find. Luckily for Twinkle Toes and also for Flibirdijibit's wellbeing she did not have the wherewithal to wield such a weapon without some assistance so her mother and brother then heard “get the hell in here and help me with this gun!” to which Flibirdijibit heard “what’s she doin’ with that gun?” and “what? She’s gonna shoot the bees?” followed by “GIMMEE that!” and a swift push of her body away from the firearm and the cabinet where it resided happily away from the unskilled hands of emotionally overwrought 15 year old girls with StupidBoyfriends. At this Flibirdijibit was finally released from all expectations of fortitude or the ill attempted forgery of it and was sent off to the sanctuary of her room where she indulged in a much needed blubber session for slightly longer than appropriate given the events of the day. Really, it’s what she SHOULD have done in the first place without hesitation after being delivered home from school.

The End.

Disclaimer: no animals or humans were mortally wounded or even really injured in the making of this story unless of course you count someones overly taxed feelings?

well crap! I typed up my whole Mama Kitty story this afternoon and then couldn't save it because StupidBlogger shutdown! This really ticks me off. Now it is nowhere to be found! GONE!