As a General Rule....

Recently my friend that I like to call 'whoa-oh Black Betty lam-di-lam' made a trek to the Big Apple to celebrate her birthday. While there, she managed to pick up this lovely 'Kate Spade -New York' hand bag for me. As a side note: I really love this new tradition of YOU buying ME the gifts to celebrate YOUR birthday.....we should have thought of this sooner! She also got herself and our friend 'Wilma' lovely 'Prada' bags.

Now, that being said I have a few easy questions that may help to get my point (and there is one) across.

Let's say you are meeting a woman for the first time and in your head, while assessing her appearance, you wonder " Hmmmm, I wonder if those are fake". Do you:
a) reach out and grab them, and ask.....'Are these real?'
b) politely keep your curiosity to yourself knowing that it may embarrass her to have such an interaction.

Also, let's just say a friend or acquaintance gets engaged and while she is flaunting her abnormally HUGE diamond around to everyone you think in your head 'Is that maybe a cubic zirconia or the other thing that's supposed to be like a diamond....ummm........moissanite!' Do you:
a) gawk at the ring mercilessly inspecting it for clarity, cut and inclusions then ask finally if it's a fake.
b) compliment her on her gorgeous new ring exclaiming how beautiful it is and how happy you are for her.

Generally I think most women would choose option b) in both scenarios, am I right? Which is good and right......

Why then, when you see myself, Betty or Wilma or any other member of the female gender out with our designer bags would you endeavor to ask the question 'Is that a knock-off or what?'. Some things are just better left under a veil of feminine mystique. Like whether we bleach/dye our hair or wear false eyelashes or attach raw chicken looking pieces of silicone to our bodies for the sake of beauty......

So here is a list of general rules I hope to follow in the future & invite you to as well:

1. If it looks blonde.....it's blonde
2. If it looks brunette, well, it must be brunette.
3. If it looks like a 36 DD, then that must be what it is.
4. If it sparkles and shines like a diamond or what have you for precious gems, then they must be.
5. If it says "Kate freakin' Spade - New freakin' York" on it then I can only assume it be that. Same goes for Prada, Gucci, Fendi and the like.
6. If you want me to assume they are not fake, except I must admit I will never buy into the hair piece thing, then ass-u-me I will. If you volunteer the falsey info on your own terms then I am glad to have gained such confidence.

Sheesh! I better get this kid out soon before I start ranting and raving myself into an oblivion! Who knew I was so opinionated?

What the.....?!!!!!

So you know how you can have your 'pooter run a little slideshow on it's screen while you are neglecting it?

Well, you can imagine my horrified surprise when I look over at my (demon possessed) 'pooter and see this image just lackadaisically floating by as if there's nothing wrong with this picture and that it somehow belongs on my screen.....which it does not as I am absolutely freaked out by old creepy dolls! I know there are others of you out there who share this very real fear and also know that my past is speckled with the hauntings of these mean little plastic creations.

I need a moment.....

okay, I think I am ready to perform the exorcism ritual to rid this image from my hard drive.

Where did it come from?!!!!!

There are two kinds of falseys, maybe three: The Good, The Bad and the OOgly.

The Good?

That includes those wonderful little silicone things that resemble uncooked chicken as an alternative to rather invasive and dangerous surgery, those who know what I am talking about you know who you are! It's also great what they can do with fake teeth now too.....porcelain veneers are good falseys. No one wants a real fire alarm so falsey's of those are okay too.

The Bad?

tattooed on eyebrows or eyeliner. Fake moles that are glued on or drawn on and of course counterfeit money. Also, I think it's safe to say that most false hair meant to disguise obvious balding could be classified as 'bad-falsey-ness.'

The Oogly?

That is hands down the 36 week pregnant body tricking you into thinking it's really 'that time' and you've already been to the city and back and have to make your husband drive you back into the city at 11 pm just to be told, finally around 3 am that you have just suffered an episode of false labour!

At least they didn't kick us out of the hospital, they did let us stay for about 4 hours to 'have a little rest' before driving all the way home again. I guess it's just good practice to have a 'dry run' to make sure we know what do before the actual not-so-falsey day. (I hope your catching my sarcasm 'cuz I am laying it on pretty thick.)

So there you have it.....old western movies will always be relevant to our everyday lives.